The Story on The Mighty That Finally Made Me Cry

I read this pre-surgery account on The Mighty and it resonated with me. I regularly peruse the site in hopes that one account would genuinely bring me to tears. I had no such luck until I found this particular post I have never undergone any surgery except for getting my wisdom teeth out nor have I ever had to make preparations for someone else's major surgery, but the overall theme and tone managed to pierce my heavily-guarded heart.

Kerri Goff, choleric mother to melancholic 11 year old Shea, enters "survival mode", as she calls it, in response to crisis. Though crisis appears to not to pierce the barbed-wire hearts of cholerics, it has managed to infiltrate Kerri's defenses. Her pragmatic nature took over and kicked her emotions to the curb, which is characteristic of a choleric under stress. She purchased the dance recital costume for Shea to not discourage her strength and determination and gave a pep talk to Shea in order to "help" and "motivate" her. Seeing as how cholerics value these traits, Kerri projected a "tough girl" image and expected Shea, a melancholic, to brush the dust off, plough through the disappointment with no emotion, and otherwise respond like a choleric.

Upon hearing that she would be unable to participate in the recital due to her upcoming surgery, Shea cried out of fear and frustration as is customary for melancholics. The words "Shea, come on kiddo, be tough, OK" stirred her heart and brought a host of worries and disappointments to the surface when they were intended to encourage. A melancholic needs an empathetic ear and a loyal shoulder to cry on when they call on others in times of crisis. Her dance teacher, most likely another melancholic, provided these words her choleric mother could not:

"No. It is okay to cry and it is okay to be sad that you're not participating in the ballet performance."

"Shea, it is okay to cry and it is okay not to be strong. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling."

Melancholics are emotional, sensitive idealists. What grazes the skin of another will deeply cut someone of this temperament. When they cannot meet their standards, they lament and need someone to validate their concerns instead of dismissing their emotions and responding to a challenge. Upon recognizing that Shea's melancholic response was not a sign of weakness, Kerri allowed her choleric heart to soften and she said:

“Baby, I am so sorry, your teacher is right. It is OK to feel disappointed, sad and scared about this surgery and all of the inconveniences it is causing. I feel all of those things too, but sometimes I don’t show it because I want to be strong for you and Daddy and your brother. Shea, I love you and I am here for you if you want to talk about how you are feeling. You do not have to be strong all of the time, and neither do I. Shea, it is OK to feel.”

Though the article had not a smattering of explicit relevance to temperament theory, it illustrated the idea of temperaments interacting better than Keirsey, the Arnos, LaHaye, or Galen ever could. Naturally, people expect others to act the way they do; adapting to the needs of others takes a conscious effort. A pragmatic, forceful choleric, though with good intentions, can end up hurting a sensitive, emotional melancholic when responding to high levels of stress in "survival mode." 

This article is a fine example of expecting others to respond like someone of our temperament would and adapting once one recognizes the temperamental differences in others. At the same time, meeting someone else's needs allows needs that one would not consider to be fulfilled. Despite their unemotional nature, cholerics still need to and allow themselves to feel. Melancholics internalize their emotions and feel deeply, yet one may never see the extent to which they feel. With her tears, Shea uncorked the emotional storm before it could ravage her soul as it had Kerri's.

I, being both melancholic and choleric, could identify with both of their responses. I punch a pillow, distract myself with a task, then get on with my life like a choleric, yet I feel intensely and respond with tears like a melancholic. I tend to wet my homework with tears, yet, repressing my urge to throw myself on an article of furniture and sob, I do it. This post reminded me of what I have failed to do in the midst of life's chaos: to stop, allow my melancholic side to take over, and feel.

"And if\You keep talking to me\Through this darkness, through this night\I'll be alright"--Jump, Laura Shigihara

P.S. If you need to feel, read the article while listening to "Jump" by Laura Shigihara.

5 annoying stereotypes about intellectual disabilities

Biography:
Hi I'm Meredith and I blog over at disability diaries, my special needs blog. I did FlutistPride's challenge and she asked if I wanted to do a guest post. Today's guest post is on stereotypes about intellectual disabilities and those who have them including myself. These are mostly based off of my experiences so I can not speak for everyone.

1. Oh S/He can't understand so it's fine. I get this one a lot from people I also get something similar about my hearing loss both of are wrong in my case. I can hear and understand you! If someone says this and the person with ID actually doesn't understand then now your just being a jerk and a coward.

2.  I don't trust them with that, they might get hurt. Sometimes people think that those with ID are stupid and don't let them work on a group project or let you get materials even if you are perfectly capable of it.

3. Aww what a cute little kid.
Many people with intellectual and developmental disabilities tend to act younger than they are. One time a friend of mine when he was 10 a person at the hotel he was staying at thought he was 6.

4. Ok you color in this picture and we're going to go talk about this. I have had other people including peers tell me to do something for a much younger child while they go talk or do something.

5. Oh them they're retarded they can't do anything. Um no and don't say the R word it's offensive. This is basically my thoughts on this stereotype.

Image Description: An aptly selected photo showing a scene from the film The Hobbit captioned "#Excuse you." in a yellow sans-serif font

(Blog Owner Note: Meredith is one of my regular commenters; this is her content. I made some minor edits for grammar and readability, but not enough to kill the essence of her writing. The voices of self-advocates with intellectual disabilities often go unheard despite the fact that they are much needed. Meredith enlightened me with her voice; I highly suggest reading her content.)

The Alphabet of Things I Would Rather Be Called Than Smart

So I'm smart

And that's all I am to you?

I would rather be ambitious

Or beautiful than just plain smart.

How about saying that I'm

Contemplative?

Even dependable would work.

Perhaps I am energetic.

The way my fleet fingers move across my flute

Evidences this. 

Should I just be grateful

That I am smart

Or be more hardcore?

Intuitive senses guide me

To be joyful

In all circumstances. 

My keen wit 

Only serves me so well.

I could be a leader

With a maidenly charm

And a nonconformist outlook.

Perhaps I am a little too optimistic.

I am precise in my work

And quirky when I create.

I am responsive to current events, but

Steadfast in what I believe.

Talented is only a measure of

What I can do,

But I would rather do

Than spend my life in a book.

My tendencies make me unique,

I do not live my life "normally".

My vivacious eyes

Are easily caught in wonder.

I am a wishfully thinking idealist.

Around new people, I can be xenodochial.

I plan to be youthful all my life

And zealous in every one of my passions.

Not On My Board

I am not an AAC or PECS user and I don't know anyone who uses these communication methods, but   I have seen a common problem with these means of communication. How would one say "What I want to say isn't on my board/included in these card choices?" when they don't have an option to say that? To illustrate these frustrations, I will use hypothetical examples.

Person A uses the PECS system and wants grapes as a reward for doing well in school. Person A's parent offers Person A an apple card, a milk card, and a chips card. However, there is no grapes card in sight. Unable to say "More choices, please" or "I'll tell you what I need," Person A has a meltdown and doesn't get the grapes.

Person B is an AAC user and verbally gifted, but no one knows that because Person B only has basic words on their device. Person B can think "The marching band converges into formations while they play music", but can only say "Walk, music, shapes". This inability to express complex thoughts leaves Person B at the mercy of teachers who say Person B has "no human dignity" or "can't understand anything".

If you are familiar with AAC or PECS, tell me what you do to deal with this problem. Do you have a card that allows someone to say this? If not, I created one. Feel free to grab and print the image.

Esmé Blows Minds

I have casually followed Hillary Savoie's blog The Cute Syndrome for a while and, when I found out Esme could read, that blew my mind. Esmé cannot point, sign, or talk due to her limited motor skills. However, her mom (Hillary Savoie) discovered that she could read when Esmé was four. Since this is when Esme's ability was refined enough to see, Esme might have had the ability for longer. I started reading small phrases at the age of four without any instruction on how to read, but Esmé's story is truly groundbreaking. She even came up with a "language" of her own to get her points across. That alone is a profound indicator of intelligence; Esmé is gifted in language and has her own way of showing it.

Esmé is capable of forming her own opinions. She does not like mint ice cream, but she likes coconut ice cream. Though she tube feeds, she would like a taste of that coconut ice cream, just enough to bring the pleasing taste to her palette. Every time I read posts, I see Esmé's critical thinking and problem solving skills. She works around her disabilities to move, play, and do what four year olds do. Her affinity for Yo Gabba Gabba is ever present, but she would not like to be called a baby based on her disabilities.

This level of complexity indicates that oral speech alone cannot accurately determine someone's intelligence. From what I read, Esme is gifted in language and she needs a way to show it. I want her to have an eye gaze device so she can show her giftedness to others without her mom having to carry an Esme-English dictionary around with her. Though she is four years old, she deserves effective communication. She should have the freedom to endlessly ask questions, request (read: demand) tastes of ice cream, and reason with her mother about why she should get what she wants. If her giftedness is profound now, I want to see what she will do with the proper tools and as she grows and learns.