Blogger Widgets Ender-Chan's Thoughts: 2016

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Disability and the Big Five

The Big Five is a personality system created by Paul Costa and Robert McCrae (National Institute of Health), Warren Norman (University of Michigan), and Lewis Goldberg (University of Oregon). Despite some differences, these researchers all concluded that human personality can be boiled down to five traits: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism, that can be remembered by the acronym OCEAN. This system, like MBTI, is a popular one to use in work contexts and is more about discovering useful qualities for productivity than understanding one's baselines with regards to cognition, emotion, and motivation.

Openness is intellectual curiosity and receptiveness to new ideas. Someone with higher levels of openness is more apt to explore different concepts and perspectives than have a one-track mind with regards to forming opinions. For example, a high O person may be more open to the idea of a stair-climbing device than a low O person who may dismiss the technological advancement as "ableist". Generally, high O people are laissez-faire and have a "whatever works" approach while low O people have strict guidelines as to what should or should not be done.

Conscientiousness is the quality of organization and discipline. Someone with higher levels of conscientiousness, regardless of other factors, is likely to try to distribute their energies and plan out the day than just go about things as they happen without much of a plan. High C people are more likely to use planning and schedules to work around--and even with--their disability than low C people who are more likely to just go with the flow.

Extroversion in the Big Five is sociability, which is not to be confused with extroversion in other systems in which extroversion deals with energy or cognition rather than outward presentation. High E people are more likely to actively gather and interact with others while low E people are more content with the company of their own musings. It is common to see high E people at conferences, protests, and interviews while low E people tend towards things like blogging and more one-on-one methods of advocacy and activism.

Agreeableness is tolerance and sensitivity to others' feelings. High A people are more likely to want to sympathize with someone regardless of truth or fairness in the other party's statements. Low A people are more apt to prioritize truth or fairness over sympathy. This factor also affects how one reacts to inconvenient situations and/or disappointment. A high A person is more likely to want to change themselves to fit the situation while a low A person is more likely to want the situation to adjust to them.

Neuroticism is not solely anxiety, but a tendency towards strong emotions. Neuroticism is not a purely negative trait as it can be the catalyst for passion. High N people experience a wide variety of emotions throughout the course of any given day while low N people are more even-keeled with regard to emotions. This trait is not to be confused with bursts of stress or just raw anxiety. This deals more with how anxiety is used and (not) expressed rather than level.

Above, you see my personal Big Five inventory. My percentiles for each category are:

O: 80
C: 35
E: 22
A: 6
N: 96

My highest scoring category is Neuroticism. Being predominantly High N, I am prone to strong emotions, especially anxiety. However, the presence of an anxiety disorder may have inflated my Neuroticism score. Likewise, the presence of autism may have lowered my Extroversion and Agreeableness scores based on how I answered the test. My O score may have been inflated by my giftedness simply because I can understand a wider variety of ideas and how they work in various contexts. Despite all these factors, however, I feel that this is an accurate reflection of the qualities I possess.

Comment Prompts

  • How can personality testing be made more accurate for neurodivergent people? 
  • Can the Big Five personality system be useful in disability activism? Why or why not?
  • Compare and contrast the Big Five with other systems. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

It's a Trade

You walk into a party dressed to the nines with your makeup on point. The air smells like your favorite food. There are people there, but none of them seem to want to talk to you. They stare and whisper as you pass by. You maintain confidence long enough to duck into a bathroom and use a mirror to check if anything seems amiss. Your hair is fine. So is everything else. There's no giant food stain on your clothes. Even so, the party guests seem to be repulsed by the sight of you. Running your hands over your clothes you decide that the problem is your body. Because of this, you decide to limit yourself to the vegetable platter for the rest of the party.

When home, you check your social media. There are pictures of you everywhere. "I'm so jealous." "I wish I looked like you." "You're so lucky." You don't feel as lucky as everyone claims you are because people disperse at the mere sight of you. It happens everywhere you go: your favorite coffee shop, your job, just walking down the street. No one says "Hi." They just stare and whisper. You think about posting about what you experienced, but you decide against it. It's easier to be pretty, isn't it? Who are you to complain when so many people want what you have?

Do you think it is better to be so ugly that you repulse people or so pretty that you scare them away? Remember that just because someone has a characteristic that supposedly makes their life easier doesn't mean it always does. How did it feel to be the pretty person in the story? Isolating? Confusing? Like you weren't really that pretty?

Milestone envy has always struck a chord with me. Everything has a price and these posts seem to dismiss that. Contrary to popular belief, a milestone is not an absolute gain. It's a trade. The price of walking is falling more often. The price of talking is saying the wrong thing. The price of intelligence is not being able to relate to those around you. The price of talent is having absolutely no sense of satisfaction. The price of being able to do things is making mistakes. Some things have heftier price tags than others and some have hidden fees. There are negative and/or untrue assumptions for pretty much everything, even positive qualities.

Remember: Even the best of gains have a price. That group of kids you envy have sacrificed many other things to be where they are.

Watch these musicians. What do you think they traded to be here?

Friday, November 11, 2016


What mask should I wear today?
Red or black or blue or gray?
Feathers, jewels, "Yes" or "No"?
I'm not sure of the way to go.

Everyone wants a different thing.
In many directions, there I swing
Extravagant, plain, what do you want?
There's not a mask I've haven't bought.

Which one should I wear today?
What's the part that I should play?
The role, the script, I'll do it all.
After all, such is my call.

Friday, November 4, 2016

I'd Like to Talk About this Owlturd Comic

Panels in Verbal Chronological Order:
  1. A square, finding a circular hole, says "Oh no! The hole is a circle, but I am a square."
  2. The square, in dismay, says "How will I ever fit in?"
  3. One circle suggests "You could just go in sideways."
  4. The square says "You could just shut up and let me be special."
This comic was deemed "ableist" by several people, causing the creator to remove the comic and say the following:

I think I fucked up. Usually I can tell these things when there are a bunch of people (quietly) telling me I fucked up, and also when they are a bunch of people using my comics to justify judging others, which they’re never meant for.

My intent with the last comic, like usual, was self-deprecation. I’m supposed to be the square. I often romanticize being an outcast in society, so when the circle essentially points out “you can still fit in, you’re not such an outcast,” I respond by saying “SHUT UP, YES I AM.” Because, y’know, I romanticize it.

This was the intent, but looking at it now, mistakes were made. For many people, the thing that I romanticize is not a choice. I’m going to take this one down, and might not have another one to put up today.

I’m sorry.

Have a great rest of your day, peeps.

Given that I am a huge Owlturd fan, I was sorely disappointed that the artist had to remove one of his comics due to audience pressure. Owlturd is a brilliant comic series that revolves around somewhat dark, self-deprecating humor. My favorite comics are the Type A/Type B comics. The comic above is another one of my favorites from Owlturd. The creator claimed the comic was a jab at himself for romanticizing his status as an outcast.

Frankly, I don't see anything ableist about this comic. The square and circles could represent any two different groups trying to cooperate and do things together. The reality is that some people do act like this regardless of disability status. Although the creator intended this comic to be self-deprecation, I interpreted the comic as a satire on social justice warrior extremism. Social justice warrior extremists are often seen demonizing "privileged" groups, pitting levels of "oppression" against each other, and censoring others because they are supposedly a certain kind of "-ist". These actions do not help anyone and detract from other, more important issues. Moreover, these people will never be satisfied or listen to input from outside parties as is seen with the square.

In the comic itself, the circle proposed a solution to the square's problem. It may not have been the best solution possible, but every solution starts somewhere. The square did not (1) try the proposed solution or (2) propose a different, better solution (e.g. "Cut the hole into a shape of a square"). Instead, the square insisted on being mad and not bothering with a possible solution. The creator said people were using his comics to "justify judging others." Seeing as how people will do horrible things to anything nowadays, I don't agree with the creator's decision as a person, but respect his course of action as a performing artist.

What do you think of this comic? Do you think it was ableist or just an overreaction on the audience's part?

Friday, October 28, 2016

Collecting Pieces

Welcome to the path.
The path is very difficult and can lead most anywhere.
No one knows why it's been established in the first place
With no alternate route.
I've been on the path since I was very young.
I can see the divergences
Off the path
Into the unknown.
That's how far along I am.
And how did I get here?

On the way, we're supposed to collect
It starts out easy enough.
The pieces are small.
Some find them faster than others.
The goal is to find them the fastest
And the most.

We reach checkpoints in the path every so often
To tally up what we found.
Most people get around 70% of what they were supposed to find.
Others get higher and others get lower
But you'll be left behind if you get lower.

Things get harder with each step.
The pieces get larger and harder to find.
Some of them have sharp edges.
Others skitter around and escape
The moment you capture them.
You need to use your previous pieces to hold them down.

Eventually, the pieces get so large
That you have to start making sacrifices.
Which piece do you keep?
Unfortunately, the checkpoints demand more and more
Pieces at this point.
How did I make room for everything?

I started by limiting my food
To make room for more pieces.
Then, I sacrificed my shelter.
Could I make one from the pieces I had?
I would have forgone clothing
If it didn't have pockets for my pieces.
Even so, it still wasn't enough to count at the checkpoints.
They were never satisfied with me
And, frankly, I had similar sentiments.

My case isn't unusual either.
I've seen people die on the path all the time.
They either get eaten by wild beasts
Or starve
Or freeze
Or overheat.
All in the name of those pieces.
I've been wondering, now, if the quest should be pursued at all.

Friday, October 14, 2016

"Success" and Disability

Everyone wants to succeed, right? It's why we go to school, work, and carry out the course of our lives: to achieve success. The universal images of success include an athlete scoring points for their team, a CEO at the top of a company flaunting wealth, an A or equivalent score on a test, and rising from nothing to make it to the top. I have been threatened with working at a fast food establishment if I do not do well in school many times.

And what does success look like with disability? It doesn't look all that that different apart from celebrating smaller-scale victories more often and slightly more liberties within the aforementioned images of success. I thought I would be successful according to these definitions. The last time I tried to be, it didn't end up too well. It was then that I realized that academic success wasn't for me. I moved on thinking about "success" more and more now that I am at a time in my life when a failure to prove myself worthy will seal my fate.

At first, others defined success for me. If I met their standards, I was good to go. Even if I put in no honest effort, if I made the grade, I was proud of myself. I shouldn't have been, because, even if my work was high-quality in the eyes of others, it was sloppy and halfhearted in my eyes. That, to me, is unacceptable. Then came a time when, even when I was working honestly, I didn't yield any reward. I blamed myself for my lack of success. I thought I lacked the character to get through, but it turned out that I just wasn't what they were looking for. No matter how hard I tried to be that, I never fit the form they sought. Respecting these preferences, I moved on instead of demanding an apology.

It was then that I realized that success is something that I have to define for myself. One of my best grades last year was in Algebra II. That is something I am ashamed of because I wasted my time and energy on something that only made me hate myself instead of directing my energies towards my passion for art and language. I spiraled into a time of depression that robbed me of pleasure, so much so that even music couldn't lift me out of the hole I was in.

I thought success with a disability looked like a Paralympic athlete crossing the finish line in a race, someone with a mental illness graduating with a 4.0 GPA despite being dragged into hades, or an autistic person discovering a source of clean, infinite, and controlled energy. I then realized that such goals are not for me. These definitions of success are not compatible with the way I think. I think like an artist. I think in quality, not in quantity. Color, consistency, composition, clarity, intention, focal point, tempo, intonation, timbre, and emotion are how I measure my successes. Subjectivity picks up where objectivity leaves off.

Success is subjective. I wish I had known that years ago.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Disability Five Song Challenge

It is said that our favorite songs express what we struggle to say to others, so what do your favorite songs say about your disability experiences? Describe your disability experiences using only five songs.

Warning: Rolling Girl contains rapid flashing. 

How is the current me? Really, there's nothing we can do. Someone like the annoying you, I really hate.
Doudai, genjou no boku wa soukai, doushiyou mo nai na urusai na omae nante dai kirai da
どうだい、現状の僕は そうかい、どうしようもないな 
When will you grow up? What the heck is 'growing up' in the first place?
Mensekihi no koushiki iemasu ka kodomo no toki no yume wa iemasu ka
The girl says, the girl says, as she orchestrated the meaning in her spoken words.
Shoujo wa iu shoujo wa iu kotoba ni imi o kanadenagara!
少女は言う 少女は言う

I've already realized that I won't ever amount to anything. "Talent is worse than mediocrity," but what is talent in the first place?
Nanimono ni mo narenai koto ni kizuite shimatta "Sainou wa bonjin ika da" tte daitai sainou tte nan nanda
「才能は凡人以下だ」って 大体才能ってなんなんだ

Let me listen to the almighty, all-knowing words.
zenchi zen'nō no kotoba wo hora kikasete yo
全智全能の言葉を ほら聞かせてよ

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Words Ten, Length Three (A Chorus Line Parody)

This is a funny parody that some of you more laconic writers may relate to. 
Disclaimer: I do not advocate plagiarism of any form. 

Valerie: I got my rubric back with my essay and, on a scale of one to ten, I got, for words: ten. For length, three.

Words ten, length three.
Grades like this mean unemployment.
Writing for my own enjoyment?
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it kid.

Words ten, length three
Is left to rust
Went Google and
Searched up stuff I can
Read and quote, but not cite.

Cut. And paste.
Just need fillers here and there.
To say I cheat is so not fair.
Put my thought to it,
All that goes with it.

Cut and paste.
Just a click and then I'm done.
Suddenly, my grades went up again.
Cut and paste won't get you As
Unless it's yours.

Doesn't cost a fortune neither.
Doesn't hurt my average either.

Short and sassy
I'd be stuck with all the losers.
Beggars really can't be choosers.
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it kid.

Add a phrase, a sentence or two.
Life turned into an endless medley
Of "Gee, it always is you."

Cut. And paste.
When the paper once was bare,
Now you look and words are there.
You have wrote 'em, hey, top to bottom, hey.

It's a gas.
Just a highlight, click, and then
Enter your idea and you're fine.
Cut and paste can change your life.
It sure changed mine.

Valerie: You're all looking at my grade, aren't you? Well, don't count on me to redistribute my hard work.

Other Student: They're not that good.

Valerie: I heard that, stupid. I didn't want 'em like yours. I wanted them to be at least somewhat original.

Other Student: You got what you worked for.

Connie: I wouldn't mind my essay being half that length!

Valerie: Go out and find some links.
Have it all done.
Honey, take my word.
Use that search engine for
Wiki, refs, and more to

Cut and paste.
Introduction and body.
What they want is what they see.
Keep the best of you.
Do the rest of you.

Rut or race,
I have never seen it fail
AP world or British lit or math.

Cut and paste,
Yes, cut and paste
Has changed my life.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

(Original Theory) Learning Motivations

"Study without desire spoils the memory and it retains nothing that it takes in." Leonardo DaVinci

Learning styles are a helpful tool to get to know how to teach someone, but learning styles fall short when it comes to the "why" of learning: Why am I sitting here in this classroom learning for this subject I may or may not care much for? What makes my effort in exerting myself mentally worthwhile? Rewards are not effective unless they are catered to the person's motivations.

Some people learn best for status that may come in the form of a grade, rank, or other designation. They enjoy having tangible evidence of their hard work condensed into an award or a number and saying "I earned that." Status learners often do things to say they did them. Learning for its own sake does not interest the status-motivated. They want to see themselves as having achieved something tangible and outdone others. Status learners first and foremost learn to achieve.

Altruist learners learn to help others. They typically possess a strong desire to assist others their endeavors and are charitable types. If the course material at hand is presented as having no value in providing assistance to others, the altruist learner will struggle to see the point of learning it. Generally, altruist learners have large-scale visions of assisting others. Take advantage of this vision in order to assist in learning the skills presented.

Learning for its own sake is a foreign concept to many people, but not so to the process learner. Process learners learn to take things apart and fit them back together in both a literal and figurative sense. They generally enjoy exploration of interconnecting ideas and coming up with a variety of interpretations. Process learners tend to want to learn something completely, to explore every facet and factor and every interconnection and get frustrated when they have to learn just to get something.

You know those students who always talk too much? They are probably social learners. They learn to learn about others. Subjects with no interpersonal matter pain social learners and leave them bored and frustrated. Social learners love learning about other people and imagining interactions with them in a variety of settings. Even in impersonal subjects, social learners end up humanizing concepts to make them more tangible and appealing to others and themselves.

Complaining about how a subject has no application in real life is usually the mark of a pragmatic learner. A pragmatic learner learns to prepare for everyday--and not so everyday--situations that arise as life is lived. They generally avoid extra work in areas that have no practical application unless they plan to make a career of the field. Pragmatic learners learn for life; often, their predominant strength is the application of skills.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Ableism and the Enneagram: Integration and Disintegration

Integration and disintegration  in enneagram affect the manifestation of ableism, which likely arises out of disability, whether one's own or someone else's, thwarting one's attempts at attaining their basic need. Integration and disintegration occur when one learns how to work or not work with their enneatype, which leads to a "change". Ableism manifests itself most often as a disintegrated or unhealthy type. The ideal activism and advocacy method for each enneatype most often reflects the integrated type.

Ones integrate into Sevens and disintegrate into Fours.

  • Disintegrated: Goes in-depth into bad experiences to the point of using invasive detail all for the sake of "authenticity", experiences martyr complex
  • Integrated: Values the experiences of those around them as well as their own, gains a more adventurous, daring perspective
Twos integrate into Fours and disintegrate into Eights.

  • Disintegrated: Becomes controlling to compensate for perceived helplessness in self or others and displays uncharacteristic anger
  • Integrated: Respects others' experiences and values and uses this to better assist others and becomes in tune with one's self
Threes integrate into Sixes and disintegrate into Nines.

  • Disintegrated: Falls into apathy and laziness. Avoids conflict at all costs and retreats within self hoping for problems to resolve themselves
  • Integrated: Gains awareness of their and others' desire for safety and acts on it by providing places of refuge

Fours integrate into Ones and disintegrate into Twos.

  • Disintegrated: Takes on a chameleon-like persona in order to "help others", but finds no sense of purpose in doing so
  • Integrated: Strengthens values and realizes their ideal "right" way to do things and promotes these values without being pedantic or an extremist

Fives integrate into Eights and disintegrate into Sevens.

  • Disintegrated: Abandons thoughtful pursuits in favor of more hedonistic ones, becomes consumed by "FOMO" and resents deprivation uncharacteristically
  • Integrated: Channels anger constructively as a driven and passionate leader ready to carry their ideas into fruition

Sixes integrate into Nines and disintegrate into Threes.

  • Disintegrated: Takes up obsessions with image, abandons sense of security in pursuit of a "persona", resents criticism and takes it personally
  • Integrated: Keeps the peace by finding compromises between conflicting desires of others and themselves. Takes on "mediator" role
Sevens integrate into Fives and disintegrate into Ones.

  • Disintegrated: Insists that everyone do things the "right way" and starts depriving one's self of certain things they normally enjoy
  • Integrated: Considers a variety of new perspectives all at once and fits them together into one stimulating framework
Eights integrate into Twos and disintegrate into Fives.

  • Disintegrated: Retreats within one's head rather than taking control of situations while lashing out at others 
  • Integrated: Actively assists others in a leadership-type role for the good of those around them, often self-sacrificing

Nines integrate into Threes and disintegrate into Sixes.

  • Disintegrated: Security seeking takes priority over peace. Starts excessively fretting over small matters
  • Integrated: Starts maintaining an image in order to gain a good reputation, usually has a "do no harm" philosophy

I apologize for being laconic, but I do not have much time between band, school, and orchestra.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Nothing: School Edition

A Chorus Line songs are so fun to rewrite for a school setting!

Diana (spoken): It was my sophomore year. I was so excited to finally have a break from algebra. My brain makes it a little hard to process math, but that's not what made it so bad. Anyway, it was the first day of geometry and I had Mr. Karp for a teacher. Ugh, Mr. Karp. Mr. Karp, he would seat us at our desks, arranged in rows, and he says "Okay, we're learning about postulates. Now, here are the notes and the textbooks are on the shelf. Okay, go."

Diana (singing):
Every day for a week, I would try to
Do the problems, Do the problems
On the sheet.

Every day for a week, we would try to
Get the answers, get the answers,
Have ends meet.

So I searched and searched to the bottom of my brain
To see what I had inside.
Yes, I searched and searched to the bottom of my brain
And I tried, I tried.

And everyone is going: Yes, Yes!
It's 34! It's 55! It's 78!
And Mr. Karp turns to me and says
"Okay, Morales. What did you get?"

And I said
"Nothing. I'm getting nothing."
And he says
"Nothing could get someone transferred."

They all got something,
But I got nothing
Except the feeling that this nonsense was absurd.

But I said to myself
"Hey, it's only the first week. It's probably genetic.
I mean, what are postulates? Am I right?"

Second week, more advanced
And we had to find the measure
Of an angle
With algebra.

Mr. Karp, he would say
"Very good, except Morales.
Try, Morales.
All alone."

So I searched and searched to the bottom of my brain
To see how the problems went.
Yes, I searched and searched to the bottom of my brain
Yes, I tried, so spent.

The kids yelled "Nothing."
They called me "Nothing."
And Karp allowed it,
Which really makes it burn.

They were so "helpful"
And I was hopeless,
So I knew not the direction
I should turn.

And Mr. Karp kept saying
"Morals, If you keep this up, you'll fail the class and never be able to survive Algebra II."
Oh my gosh.

Went to church, praying
"Santa Maria, send me guidance
Send me guidance"
On my knees.

Went to church, praying
"Santa Maria, help me know it.
Help me know it."
Pretty please.

And a thought came up from the bottom of my brain
And travelled to heart from head.
Yes, a thought came up from the bottom of my brain
Here is what it said:

This math is nothing.
This course is nothing.
If you want something, go take a language class.
You could learn Chinese. You could learn German
And I assure you that's what finally came to pass.

Six months later, I heard that Karp had died.
And I searched and searched to the bottom of my brain
And cried
'Cause I got nothing.

Diana (spoken):
I mean, I didn't want him to die or anything, but....

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Really? (A Rant)

The "Are you kidding me?" rage face with a caption that says "Are you kidding me?"

I saw this post on The Mighty* on Urban Decay's Razor Sharp eyeliners. The eyeshadows are bold metallics and come in a container that resembles a liquid lipstick tube. Urban Decay was accused of glamorizing self-injury by advertising them via swatches. I do not think this is the case. Horizontal swatches on the inner arm are very common among makeup lovers to preview a product before wearing. Across the board, they (including myself) have varying degrees of familiarity with self-injury.

While I did take some issues with the lipstick shades Manic (neutral-ish dark red) and Psycho (bright red), I take no issue with these because of the ubiquity of horizontal swatches on the arm to test makeup. I cannot believe that someone had the nerve to look for a nonexistent issue with this method of advertising. None of the shades resemble iron-based blood except for maybe Fireball. It bothers me when people make loose associations like these because:
  • Not all self-harm is indicated by horizontal slashes across the inner arm.
  • Swatching this way is convenient and it's pretty much universal among makeup lovers to do so.
  • Urban Decay is known for having makeup with edgy names. It is one of their trademarks.  
  • "Razor sharp" means a myriad of things from literally sharp (especially of an edge) to things like "precise" and"clever". Misconstruing the name of a largely positive idiom in order to point out nonexistent issues just wastes peoples' time.
  • Makeup swatches are not intended to imitate self-injury. Creating self-injury effects with makeup is stage/costume makeup and not swatching.
  • These are eyeliners. Of course they will make stark lines when swatched. That is what they are supposed to do.
  • The whole "issue" with Urban Decay's Razor Sharp eyeliners is based off of misconstruation in general.
Tubes of Urban Decay Razor Sharp eyeliner and swatches. Urban Decay Tweeted "Ready for some Razor Sharp Swatches, UDers? #UDAllNighter".
I read the post out of curiosity and found it to be a complete waste of my time and energy and an overreaction based on a few spurious connections. The thing that bothers me about the advertising the most is that the tube order is inconsistent with the swatch order, but the fact that someone had the nerve to make a fuss based on some very loose associations makes me question this person's intentions. Did they actually care about the effect makeup swatches of his nature have on people who self-injure or did they just want to raise a fuss over a few spurious connections?

*Linked with a rel=nofollow attribute

Ableism and the Enneagram

Image Description: An accessibility symbol (the new one) with
DiSC on the wheel in red, yellow, blue, and green.
The enneagram is a nine type system that deals with identifying primary motivations. Unlike other systems, enneagram measures instinct and needs apart from temperament or cognitive process. Enneagram is about basic needs and desires that, as with the other systems, translate into actions. Ableism likely stems from a subconscious need of sorts that gets thwarted when presented with disability in one or more of its many forms.

Type 1 is about upholding an internalized sense of "rightness" whether it was brought on internally or externally. People of this type often hold themselves and others to high standards, expecting others to comply with their moral principles. Ableism arises when another person crosses their "moral line" with regards to what is correct conduct. This can manifest as accusing others of malingering or denying necessary accommodations for one's self or others. A One may deny the existence of their disability or try to hide it by "passing" in the hopes of meeting their lofty, often quixotic, standards. When dealing with an ableist One, remember that they are as critical of themselves as they are of you, if not more. Work with their framework in order to gently shift their view; sudden moves will cause this type to be more stubbornly set in their ways.

Type 2 comes close to being truly altruistic, but their true basic need is to be needed. People of this type are generally regarded as kind, but this kindness can quickly turn intrusive if extended without consent. Ableist Twos are likely to be patronizing and help without asking; they are likely to view disabled people as a charity project rather than people. Twos have the tendency of running themselves ragged caring for others and forgetting their own needs in the process. It is common for disabled Twos to feel useless if they find themselves unable to provide for others in the way that they desire. Finding an alternate outlet for altruistic inclinations is the most effective way in dealing with ableism in Twos whether it is internalized or externalized. When dealing with an ableist Two, remember that Twos rarely try to offend anyone with their assistance. They want--no, need--to help in some way.

Type 3 is an image-oriented type dedicated to projecting success according to personal definition. An ableist Three is apt to use disabled people for improving their image while disregarding their humanity altogether. It is likely for an ableist Three to vacillate between ethics ideals to maintain their chosen image. Passing behavior is common in Threes, but it is more so to maintain a desired persona rather than to uphold a moral standard. Threes are likely to share "inspiration porn" to better their image. Their value of external achievement can make a lack thereof almost unbearable, causing a Three to spiral into depression or a depression-like state if they are not careful with what they choose to achieve. When dealing with an ableist Three, remember that Threes are image people. Dismissing them as "fake" is not going to help because Threes are made to succeed and show off.

Type 4 values self-awareness and individuality. It is important to the Four to be unique and authentic. Fours often feel like something is "missing" and that their life purpose is to find it; often, this "missing piece" is unattainable with regards to its nature. An ableist Four may find themselves oversharing information about others in order to be "real" about their struggles. Fours tend to feel conflicted about whether to identify with their disability or not due to the identity-seeking nature of this type. Fours need to be unique and are usually bothered by conventionality, seeing it as conformist and oppressive. When dealing with the ableist Four, remember that Fours take a sort of pride in their struggles. Personal experiences shape much of a Four's identity, more so than in the other enneatypes. Individuality is instrumental to the Four's basic comfort. As such, it is a core need.

Type 5 learns through detached observation and values knowledge formed through facts and patterns of occurrences. Because Fives prize intelligence or at least intelligent appearance, it is easy for the ableist Five to overlook the abilities of someone who does not look so. Fives tend to be so wrapped up in thoughts that they forget that they are organic beings and tend to rely on facts and figures too much. Fives are not personal people. A personal experience is likely to cause a Five to comment on philosophy and what could be rather than the reality of what is. Fives learn purely for its sake, not for merit or attaining something "higher". Privacy is a great need for this type; violation will not be taken well by the Five. When dealing with the ableist Five, remember that Fives desire to learn and observe rather than being hands on. Fives open themselves up slowly and gradually rather than being demonstrative; they prefer the shelter over their mind over the chaos of the world.

Type 6 is known as the "loyal skeptic" due to the Six's nature to mistrust nearly everything that comes their way. Sixes vacillate between trust and suspicion frequently due to their driving need: security. They have two basic types of fear responses: phobic and counterphobic. A phobic Six is likely to hide from conflict and avoid it at all costs while a counterphobic Six will charge headfirst into conflict with audacity. When disability takes away from the Six's sense of security, ableism can result. An ableist Six builds negative associations with disability and, as a result, adds it to their long list of fears. A counterphobic Six may act on this fear through violence; a phobic Six will avoid contact with disabled people. However, with positive associations, the Six is the most loyal friend and caregiver one can ask for. When dealing with the ableist Six, remember that they build opinions on deep-rooted associations and have difficulty changing them.

Type 7 is the epicure, sensation seeker, and the enthusiast. Sevens are made to enjoy all that the world has to offer. They do not like to be stifled or inhibited through any means because stimulation is a need. Because of this, Sevens tend to leave people who cannot keep up with them with regards to intelligence and sensory stimuli in the dust. They resent deprivation of any kind. An ableist Seven is likely to think of disabled people as boring or "missing out" on the sensations and experiences they cherish. Sevens tend to disregard sensations they do not experience themselves and are likely to brush sensory issues off as "nothing". When dealing with the ableist Seven, remember that Sevens need experiences and sensations like water. Without them, the Seven will stagnate and become bored, which is anathema to this type.

Type 8 is a controlling type, though not always in the negative sense. Eights are built to take charge in all situations. They meet every situation with aggression and grounded energy and fight against being controlled. Eights who feel that disability, be it someone else's or their own, has robbed them of control, adopt ableist ideologies. They tend to view receiving assistance as a sign of weakness or inadequacy because independence is a core value. Self-sufficiency enables the Eight to better control their situation; an Eight has lofty ideals about what should be done by one's self in order to maintain the greatest amount of autonomy. When dealing with the ableist Eight, remember that Eights need control and that an Eight will not apologize for such a need. Trying to control an Eight will not end well for either party.

Type 9 can assimilate with anyone for the sake of peace. Nines want peace first and foremost and will sacrifice most things to attain it. It is often that Nines sacrifice following their personal values in the name of preventing conflict. Ableist Nines are likely to have an apathetic, negative view of disability, thinking "I/they can't do that because I/they have this impairment." Nines may not think enough of certain issues or say that others are making too much of a fuss over certain things. This is not that Nines choose to ignore issues for the sake of hurting others, but that their calm disposition makes it hard for them to get worked up about a myriad of things, even things they should get worked up about. When dealing with the ableist Nine, remember that Nines cannot be forced to care or think about grand-scale possibilities. Let a Nine care to the extent they choose to and direct them to reputable sources and groups.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

I'm Changing My URL

To keep everything consistent, I am changing my Blogger and Tumblr URL to Ender-Chan. I feel like this name will better-serve me. My E-mail address is the same, but it will show up as being sent from Ender-Chan.

Change your links to me to say ""

My Tumblr URL will be "ender-kun". (I use the masculine honorific because the neutral/feminine one was taken.)

Sunday, August 7, 2016

I Hope I Get It (School Edition)

A A B C D C...Again!
A A B C D C...Again!
A A B C D C...Right!
That connects with...
B B C D A E 
Got it?... Going on.
True true false true false false either false false false 
Right! AND that's the whole combination,
Are you ready for the written portion?
From the top. Get your pencils out!
God, I hope I get it.
I hope I get it.
How many answers do I need?
How many answers do I need?
God, I hope I get it.
I hope I get it.
How many As, how many Bs?
How many Cs, how many...?
Look at all the questions!
At all the questions.
How many answers do I need?
How many As, how many Bs?
How many answers do I..?
I really need the grade.
Please God, I need the grade.
I've got to get the grade.
God, I really blew it!
I really blew it!
How could I write a thing like that?
How could I write a thing like...
Now I'll never make it!
I'll never make it!
He doesn't like the way I write.
He doesn't like how I explain .
He doesn't like the way I...
GOD, I think I've got it.
I think I've got it.
I knew he liked mine all the time.
Still it isn't over.
What's coming next?
It isn't over.
What happens now?
I can't imagine what he wants.
I can't imagine what he...
God, I hope I get it!
I hope I get it.
But even studying so long,
I could be right, I could be wrong.
How many answers do I...?
I really need the grade.
My hope for college is gone.
Please, God, I need the grade.
I knew I had it from the start.
I've got to ace this test.
Who am I anyway?
Am I my GPA?
That is a number, not a person that I know.
What does he want from me?
What should I try to be?
So many faces all around, and here we go.
I need the grade, oh God, I need this test.

Disability and Cognitive Functions: Inferior Functions and Grips

The inferior function is the function that is weakest in the primary functional stack. It is how we project negativities and suffer stress. Moreover, using the inferior function in a healthy way can lead to significant development. The inferior function is a master of sabotage as it causes us to question our deepest beliefs and abandon what we thought really matters. However, its very nature is key to mastery of self-understanding.

Grief is a common example of the inferior function's manifestation. For example, an INFJ in an inferior Se grip will resort to hedonism in order to fill an inner void and abandon their visions. This, known as a "grip", can manifest in an ENTP as hypochondria. Grips feel crushing, hence the name. The inferior function most often presents an irritated version of itself, which leads most people to despise it. 

Appearing to have been built on feeling functions, the disability community shuns thinking functions, especially Te. The kind of ableist Te that deems disabled people "inefficient" and, thus, a waste is the same Te that ferrets out efficient methods of distributing much-needed resources in sufficient quantities. In a community with more thinkers, feeling functions would be seen as useless and impractical. The functions are not alignments and cannot be connected to such.

Grips are a result of exhausting the dominant and auxiliary functions, forcing the inferior function to take over. For example, an ENFJ in a Ti grip will resort to over-analysis to sort through problems and neglect their and others' emotional states. Analysis of any bad day blog post will give you a clear example of how their grips manifest.

Neurological and medicsl factors can contribute to grips and vice versa. Mental illness can manifest as a grip as can the buildup to a sensory or emotional meltdown. The latter seems to be correlated with inferior sensing functions, especially Se, but such a connection is spurious at best.

When well-developed, the inferior function serves as a basis for insight. Inferior Ni can serve as the basis for seeing a bigger picture, whatever it may be. Activism and advocacy using the inferior function positively is possible. It can creep up as a surprise at times, but whether you want to receive it as a positive or negative surprise is entirely up to you.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Strengths Test

Your Talents Results are:
(from highest to lowest)

Rank Talent Strength Potential Main Objective Description Score Video explanation
1 Thinker Intellect Intellect and thinking to filter information. Individuals with the Thinker talent can have deepness in their thoughts and are introspective. This talent can help to simplify complex information, concepts or ideas. 96 Click Me
2 Information Excavator Information Input To dig and validate information. Individuals with the Information Excavator talent are good are digging into information and collecting things. This talent can help to collect and review things and information in order to find errors. 96 Click Me
3 Analyst Analyze Analyze to find root causes. Individuals with the Analyst talent can be very good at understanding cause and effect. This talent can help explain how things work and how they are related. 96 Click Me
4 Believing Believe Believe and doing the 'right thing'. Individuals with the Believing talent can have a solid set of core values by which they choose to live. This talent can enhance ethical standards and integrity, and when presented with alternative paths will tend to choose the 'right one'. 96Click Me
5 Recognition Significant Get Recognition and be in front of others. Individuals with the Recognition talent can seek to have influence and to be important. This talent can generate the necessary drive to try to make a difference in the world. 93Click Me
6 Solutions Finder Ideate Ideate new ways to solve problems. Individuals with the Solutions Finder talent love concepts and ideas. This talent can help them to see underlying concepts that unite disparate ideas. 91Click Me
7 Organizer Arrange Arrange and optimize resources. Individuals with the Organizer talent like to organize and can have the flexibility to place things right where they need to be. This talent can help people to figure out how all pieces come together for the best results. 91Click Me
8 Fixer Restore Restoration and troubleshooting to solve problems. Individuals with the Fixer talent can be very good at finding what is wrong in a problem and solving it. This talent can restore things to their normal functioning. 87Click Me
9 Visionary Futurist Envision a better Future. Individuals with the Visionary talent are inspired by the future and its endless possibilities. This talent can help to inspire people to create new projects and initiatives. 87Click Me
10 Excellence Maximize Maximize performance by Focusing on people's potential. Individuals with the Excellence talent like to stimulate group and personal performance to their maximum. This talent can help them to focus on people’s strengths in order to improve from average to great performance. 87Click Me
11 Prudent Deliberate Deliberate carefully to find a safe solution. Individuals with the Prudent talent can take serious care when making decisions and will look to anticipate potential obstacles. This talent can bring a detailed step-by-step plan taking into account every possible scenario. 87Click Me
12 Potential Cultivator Develop Develop people's potential. Individuals with the Potential Cultivator talent love to work around people's development. This talent provides the ability to recognize and cultivate the potential in others. 87Click Me
13 Student Learn Learn to do things to reduce time to performance Individuals with the Student talent are energized by the process of learning and continuously improve their expertise. This talent can help to bring new or better knowledge to an activity or project. 84Click Me
14 Unifier Connect Connect and unite people & things. Individuals with the Unifier talent can believe that there are few coincidences in life; every event has a profound meaning. This talent can help them to show there is a 'bigger' reason for every event in life and bring spirituality. 84Click Me
15 Foreman Commanding Commanding and directing (people). Individuals with the Foreman talent can be direct, decisive and take control of a situation. This talent can help a person to be a leader without fear of confrontation. 84Click Me
16 Initiator Activate Activate new Projects. Individuals with the Initiator talent can allow a person to start a lot of things. This talent can help transform thoughts into actions and get things into motion. 84Click Me
17 Consensus Harmonize Harmonize in order to solve conflicts. Individuals with the Consensus talent can have the ability to calm tense situations. This talent can help in a conflict, to lookout for areas of agreement and search for win-win solutions. 82Click Me
18 Understand Others Empathize Be Empathic to people's emotions to help solve them. Individuals with the Understand Others talent can have a unique ability to sense the emotions of others. This talent can help them to identify and conciliate people’s emotions. 80Click Me
19 Presenter Communicate Communicate (messages) information. Individuals with the Presenter talent like to be heard and find it easy to convert thoughts into words. This talent can help them to explain complex concepts and use words to inspire action and education. 80Click Me
20 Motivator Positive Positive attitude and motivation to move people. Individuals with the Motivator talent can have a unique ability to get others excited about something. This talent can find and show the positive side to any situation and to reduce fear when confronting new situations. 78Click Me
21 Hard Worker Achieve Achieve results. Individuals with the Hard Worker talent can have a constant drive to accomplish meaningful tasks. This talent can help a person to be willing to work arduously to reach a goal. 76Click Me
22 Flexibility Adapt Adapt in chaotic environments. Individuals with the Flexibility talent can have the ability to change direction as quickly as needed. This talent can bring great adaptability in order to work better in constantly changing environments. 76Click Me
23 Winner Compete Compete with others to win. Individuals with the Winner talent love to measure their performance against other people. This talent can stimulate others to set higher standards for their own performance. 73Click Me
24 Equalizer be Fair Be Fair and treat people the same. Individuals with the Equalizer talent are aware of the importance of treating people the same. This talent can help them to treat people equally to promote impartiality and fairness. 73Click Me
25 Personalizer Individualize Individualize people to understand their differences. Individuals with the Personalizer talent can have an innate sense to identify people’s differences. This talent can be used to find the uniqueness of individuals to create successful teams. 73Click Me
26 Integrator Include Include left out people to generate social improvement. Individuals with the Integrator talent can recognize when others are excluded and fully understand the repercussions. This talent can help the person to work diligently to include everyone and generate social improvement. 71Click Me
27 Planner Strategize Strategize; plan and identify relevant obstacles (to avoid them). Individuals with the Planner talent can be able to see a clear direction through the complexity of a situation. This talent can bring efficient ways around obstacles in order to reach a goal. 69Click Me
28 Charismatic Meet People Meet people to get new relations. Individuals with the Charismatic talent like the challenge of meeting new people. This talent can help to have a special magnetic appeal to others that will make it easier for them to create connections with people. 64Click Me
29 Prioritizer Focusing Focusing on important things. Individuals with the Prioritizer talent can have the ability to find and focus on the important things. This talent can bring a clear sense of direction and reduce the effort required to accomplish a task or project. 64Click Me
30 Stucturer Disciplined Be Disciplined and create routines to avoid rework. Individuals with the Structurer talent like order and rules; they set a plan and follow it. This talent can bring order, discipline and structure into an activity or project. 62Click Me
31 Commitment Responsible Be Responsible in order to complete activities. Individuals with the Commitment talent often take personal ownership of the promise they made. This talent can bring extra effort in order to follow through on commitments. 62Click Me
32 Confidence Self-Confident Self-Confidence to lead or create new ways. Individuals with the Confident talent can trust in their abilities to manage their life. This talent can bring certainty when making decisions. 53Click Me
33 Historian Contextualize Contextualize situations in order to not repeat the same mistakes. Individuals with the Historian talent need to know and look into the past. This talent can be used to look into the past to make better decisions in the present. 49Click Me
34 Group Relations Relate Relate in order to integrate groups. Individuals with the Group Relations talent like to have deep bonds and close relationships with others. This talent can have the ability to build stronger relationships between people. 47Click Me

The link is here.
As stated by this test, my predominant strengths are strengths of analysis. Not a day goes by when I don't find an idea, dig for information, flip it around, run it through my own perspective, apply it to understanding another idea, and start the whole cycle over again. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Disability and Cognitive Functions: The Tertiary Function and Loops

Your tertiary function is the function that you engage in when you are being childish or childlike. This function comforts the dominant function and is used to recharge it. It is how we are creative and playful at its best and how we are immature and derailing at its worst. The tertiary function is often used along with the auxiliary in order to back it up.

When your tertiary function kicks in, you feel like a new person. Depending on what your tertiary function is, it can assist you in either seeing things from other perspectives (perceiving) or considering other factors in your decision making (judging). Your tertiary function forces you to challenge deep-seated beliefs or adopt better systems. For example, the ESFJ has tertiary Ne that enables extrapolation off of what the ESFJ already knows from auxiliary Si.

Living with a disability can force cognitive function development. The tertiary function is one of those functions. Humor, a skill developed by many PwDs as a survival tactic, is the prime place to see the tertiary function at work. An INTP may make a satire on how applying for accommodations or benefits is unnecessarily complicated using dominant Ti to make the satire logically consistent and tertiary Si to incorporate their own experiences and the experiences of others with the faulty system. However, that is not the only use for the tertiary function.

As stated before, the tertiary function can be used to change one's modus operandi. For example, an INFJ may have a vision of what they see as best for everyone. However, tertiary Ti allows the INFJ to see that not everyone will benefit from it. The INFJ will proceed to adjust this vision to allow others to reject it while still maintaining the integrity of their original idea. The latter may not occur in a loop: overuse of the dominant and tertiary functions.

In a loop, the dominant and tertiary relay information to each other with little to no input from the auxiliary and inferior functions. Loops impede self-care and intrapersonal development by "blocking" these functions. A loop may render one exhausted or prevent reasoning as to what is realistic and aligns with one's values. Looping extroverted functions generates a fake energy and veneer of overcompensation while looping introverted functions promotes uncharacteristic callousness (Ti) or emotional irrationality (Fi).

Loops, at best, are precursors to and symptoms of neurological disorders. They are not disorders themselves, though. They can mimic anxiety and/or depression or be a symptom, but anxiety, depression, and other disorders are not loops themselves. Channeling an auxiliary or inferior function will allow the loop to "break"; with a disorder, there is usually no such luck.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016


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The link in text is:

Monday, July 4, 2016

Disability and Cognitive Functions: Judging Functions

The DiSCability official symbol* (Design: FlutistPride)
So, did you guys enjoy my little post on perceiving functions? Well, here come the judging functions! The judging functions influence decisions we make based on what makes sense to us (thinking) and our values (feeling). In a dominant or auxiliary position, our judging functions make up the predominant basis of our judgments. Like perceiving functions, these can be introverted (self-directed) or extroverted (outer world-directed).

Extroverted Feeling (Fe) (  FJ)
Fe takes "I feel your pain" to the next level. Fe users are empathetic and may even seem/be empathic in some cases. (Any type can be empathic; it is more likely for Fe users.) Fe users are adept at saying the right thing at the right time to suit your emotional needs, even if those things do not make much sense. Especially with dominant Fe, Fe users tend to have a sense of authority as in: "I know what's best for you". In the disability community, Fe is easily one of the most, if not the most, powerful functions. For better or worse, Fe unites people by appealing to their emotions. This can lead to the strongest bonds and the deepest rifts. It is common for autistic Fe users, especially Fe doms, to go misdiagnosed or undiagnosed. Fe validates the struggles of all positions and even takes them up as their own.

Introverted Feeling (Fi) (  FP)
Fi is focused on one's internal state and personal values. Contrary to popular belief, Fi is not judgmental in and of itself. Fi users respect the individuality of others while making no compromises on their own identity. They are often rather creative and love surrounding themselves with beauty according to their own definition. Fi users are blunt and opinionated, but they usually do not intend to hurt others by making such statements. Expression is a part of identity, the basis for an Fi user's personal values. Fi users tend to be more self-aware than other types; they often realize they are "different" early on. They tend to have strong views on how they think others should treat them and those close to them and are not afraid to say it. At the same time, Fi users respect, even admire, this kind of expression from others.

Extroverted Thinking (Te) (  TJ)
Te is all about efficiency, systems, and bare-bones raw facts. The disability community seems to be prejudiced against Te, which is why Te users in the community tend to feel out of place. Te users strive to make smoother transitions, advance measurably, and achieve goals. It is common for a disabled Te user to feel frustrated at their perceived lack of measurable achievement and, in turn, tenaciously strive to hone their skills in order to fulfill their need for such a thing. Te users tend to ignore their emotions, which can lead to a downward spiral. The spoon theory and like ideas appeal to Te users due to the use of a straightforward, logical interface to explain distribution of energy. Te users are quick to recommend products and services that they think will benefit others and will point out errors of fact in the blink of an eye.

Introverted Thinking (Ti) (  TP)
Ti reflects on presented and processed information by fitting it into a subjective framework of relative truths. Ti users can spot logical inconsistencies quickly and give the disability community the dose of flexibility and wit it needs in order to keep it afloat in the waves of adversity. They can sometimes come off as callous or even heartless. On the other hand, Ti users can appear to lack rationality. Ti users do not lack morals or reason. Instead, they are governed by an intricate web of consistent principles that they can shift for their own personal benefit as they please. The Ti user's favorite phrase is "Have you thought of it this way?". They generally enjoy playing devil's advocate and introducing new perspectives in order to challenge others' frameworks. Although Ti users can come off as aloof or uncaring, that is rarely the case. Ti users just care too much to cloud their words with personal biases that distract from what they are trying to say.

*Image Description: A robust white stick figure in a wheelchair that reads "DiSC" on the wheel in a clockwise direction. D (uppercase) is red, i (lowecase) is yellow, S (uppercase) is green, and C (uppercase) is blue. The image is on a blue background.

Disclaimer: Note that I understand the functions through my own functions. Although I try not to let any biases slip by, please do not read these descriptions as totally objective. I do not claim to be a professional psychologist. I'm just an enthusiast.