Blogger Widgets Ender-Chan's Thoughts: I'm Having a Terrible Day

Thursday, May 5, 2016

I'm Having a Terrible Day

I feel absolutely horrible for no rational reason. I ate adequately, slept well, didn't fail anything too badly today, and yet I still feel like dirt.

Self-affirmation doesn't work, not at all. I tried telling myself I was great and that I had a lot of potential each day. However, the entire time, I felt like I was lying to myself. I felt like I was trying to be someone other than myself, like I was masking my anxiety and depression rather than actually dealing with it.

I don't have the energy to do much. I have a thousand ideas on what to write and no way to execute them.  Please enjoy the random song.


  1. Have read yours and Meredith's terrible days and weeks.

    When you do deal with your depression and your anxiety you will know the difference.

    Seems like a lot of good self-care focused on survival.

    Maybe other people need to see and say as well. If your internal life is congruent with your external life.

    "I have a thousand ideas on what to write and no way to execute them." :[.

    "didn't fail anything too badly today, and yet I still feel like dirt".

    When did you start the affirmations? Might take a bit longer to be an embedded habit. Specific ones help, ones that only you would know, and ones which dig deep.

    Otsukimi Recital is very jolty. Yet I think the character is masking something too.

    I beg of you - je te pre [familiar]
    je vous prie [formal - something I end up saying to the universe and to Fate a lot].

    Details help with gratitude.

    There was a small boy who talked about "dis" and "this".

    Hopefully it's not the same idea a thousand times, as I have often feared.

    "I felt like I was lying to myself". What does lying to yourself feel like? I mean: a concrete specific feeling word.

    [I may be asking for hardened concrete here - I do realise about anhedonia and alexithymia.]

    What do you think about Kisaragi Attention? That song came up next in the YouTube jukebox.

    Had a great time listening to the first five songs of COMING OUT OF THEIR SHELLS which is about the Teenage Mutant Ninja/Hero Turtles - their Pizza Hut sponsored tour. And MATILDA and EDDIE THE EAGLE soundtrack and CHESS and KRISTINA another great musical from the ex-Abba singers. There is a lady called Helen who sings beautifully.

  2. Anna....
    I am breaking my long comment up into twain parts.... ;-D
    Oh, Friend.... I can wholeheartedly relate to every single thing that you've expressed on here.... For I have days like that.... Even if I'm not suffering from Depression!! And, yes, self-affirmation does not work especially when you're feeling this low, this down, this lost, this hopeless.... I absolutely agree. {Although, self-affirmation is a good mental/emotional exercise!! I encourage you to keep doing it!!} So I completely understand.... I do mean that!! ;)
    "Stay hard, stay hungry, stay alive", Raelyn

  3. Anna....
    You ARE great and you DO have a lot of potential, Friend!! Please, please, please--yes, I am begging you!!--believe it!! You're smart, you're intelligent, you're brilliant!! You are a young teenager who has so much Life ahead of her.... The positive, the negative, the in between.... But that pretty much sums Life up.... Right? It is a blessed combination of positive, negative and in between. You know.... The good, the bad, the ugly? But Life is also beautiful, unexpected, sacred and full of surprises!! What about past, present and future ambitions/hopes/aspirations obtained? What about milestones achieved? What about your dreams? You do not know what the future holds.... And you're Beautifully Unique!! Hang in there, Friend!! ;)
    "Stay hard, stay hungry, stay alive", Raelyn
    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11


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