Go Ahead and Fire

It is easy to abandon my principles in such a time as this. I could deep down believe in loving all people, but vehemently hate instead. Such a lie I refuse to tell. In light of the recent Orlando shootings,  I hope that others will learn to love perpetrator and victim alike the way I (at least attempt to) do.  Shooters are human. They have needs, motivations, dreams, lives, and (gasp) morals like the rest of us. (Granted, those morals are often warped, but they are morals nonetheless.)

There is no way to justify these actions, but these people are not just violent rage machines planted throughout the world like android time bombs. As abhorrent as murder is, I find reactions to it to be just as bad. Victims need compassion, but perpetrators need it just as much, if not more. They are the ones going back to their lives (in most cases) with a cloud of regret, a tarnished reputation, and the same loneliness that likely motivated them to turn to the gun in the first place.

I do not think murdering other people by any stretch of the word is a valid way to resolve feelings. Even wishing death on others for a split second is murder by the moral definition of the word.  By that standard, I am guilty of such a crime a thousand times over. I do not wish death on the Orlando shooters, not even retribution of some kind. I wish them forgiveness and a change of heart. God calls us to love our enemies, something I personally struggle with.

But I choose it. I choose love, no matter if anyone deserves it or not. I choose, not just the love of a friendly hug or a knowing glance, but the kind of radical love that transcends all others: agape. I choose agape in all circumstances. That means I empathize with and display compassion to everyone, not just people who deserve it. I doubt that the last thoughts of victims were spite directed at the shooters, but concern for the ones they left behind.

Choosing what is right is not always easy or popular. Then again, what is easy or popular is rarely right. I considered rallying alongside victims calling perpetrators "monsters" and disregarding their humanity altogether. It would have been popular, convenient, and even partially right. However, since I believe in seeing things from all sides, it would have violated my principles to do so. You have the right to disagree with me and call me a radical. You know what? Call me that. I am proud to be a radical.

Now that you all have your verbal guns, go ahead and fire. I have nothing to lose. I won't even dodge or try to protect myself. Have at it. Go ahead and fire. I won't care in the least.

Joy and Anhedonia

Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on Earth. Colossians 3:2

As you may or may not know, I am a Christian. God has been prodding me in the back to write something for Him, so here you go.

Because of God, I can be joyful, even in the midst of anhedonia. Anhedonia is the inability or reduced ability  to feel pleasure. Joy is defined as an intense feeling of pleasure. This combination is contradictory from a secular standpoint. However, joy has a different meaning for Christians. Joy is a kind of transcendent spiritual contentment that can only come from God. It is beyond what any possible mental illness I might have can take away from me. 

I am not promoting anhedonia in any way. It robs me of pleasure and makes me, for the most part, apathetic, lazy, and feeling like I'm tired all the time. However, God gives me the strength to pull through, even on days when I don't feel like it. Setting my mind on things above helps me to focus on God and not my current state of mind. I asked "God, why did you rob me of my passion?" when I woke up anhedonic, but then I remembered that the Lord gives and takes away, but will never take my faith. Anhedonia allowed me to reflect on my spiritual life instead of pursuing the things of the world. 

Though I really want God to take this away, at the same time, I am, at the same time, grateful that I had the opportunity to connect with God without any sense of pleasure to distract me. It is during the times that I have nothing when God reminds me that He is everything. Anhedonia has taken its toll on me, but I know that God can save me from this mess. If not, I will still choose to believe because God is the only viable source of hope I have. I don't know if this will end or if it will end, but I trust God and that's all that really matters.

Relevant Bible Verses (All are from the ESV Bible)

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Song: Fall Apart

Artist: Josh Wilson

Language: English