Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on Earth. Colossians 3:2
As you may or may not know, I am a Christian. God has been prodding me in the back to write something for Him, so here you go.
Because of God, I can be joyful, even in the midst of anhedonia. Anhedonia is the inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure. Joy is defined as an intense feeling of pleasure. This combination is contradictory from a secular standpoint. However, joy has a different meaning for Christians. Joy is a kind of transcendent spiritual contentment that can only come from God. It is beyond what any possible mental illness I might have can take away from me.
I am not promoting anhedonia in any way. It robs me of pleasure and makes me, for the most part, apathetic, lazy, and feeling like I'm tired all the time. However, God gives me the strength to pull through, even on days when I don't feel like it. Setting my mind on things above helps me to focus on God and not my current state of mind. I asked "God, why did you rob me of my passion?" when I woke up anhedonic, but then I remembered that the Lord gives and takes away, but will never take my faith. Anhedonia allowed me to reflect on my spiritual life instead of pursuing the things of the world.
Though I really want God to take this away, at the same time, I am, at the same time, grateful that I had the opportunity to connect with God without any sense of pleasure to distract me. It is during the times that I have nothing when God reminds me that He is everything. Anhedonia has taken its toll on me, but I know that God can save me from this mess. If not, I will still choose to believe because God is the only viable source of hope I have. I don't know if this will end or if it will end, but I trust God and that's all that really matters.
Relevant Bible Verses (All are from the ESV Bible)
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Song: Fall Apart
Artist: Josh Wilson
Language: English
Wonderful post. I am very impressed that you have found something good in a condition that leaves you feeling well... not good! Great read, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading.
DeleteI think you said this so beautifully. Truly it is often when we feel we have nothing or have lost everything when we more fully realize that we have God, and that is sufficient. Thank you for sharing what you are going through.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for listening.
DeleteThis makes me sad for you. I know it must be very hard, but I'm glad you have God to focus on and that nothing can take away your faith and hope in Him. I pray that you'll feel happy soon!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying too.
DeleteI was just researching anhedonia because others I know have experienced lack of joy but never the depth of anhedonia that I have and wanted to find out more about other people's experiences. I also liked that your entry was very recent as I have not found any other journals regarding this subject that are current. I just came across your site and was so grateful that I have found a Christian who is experiencing the same thing as me and who has also remained faithful to God. I too have drawn closer to God through this experience of anhedonia due to depression and am hanging on to Him as tightly as I can. At first, it bothered me because I felt like a failure because I couldn't "feel" God or wasn't able to display as much excitement as others during praise and worship. It was then pointed out to me that my faith is that much stronger because unlike others around me, I was continuing to have faith because I KNOW that Jesus is my redeemer and am not relying on feelings to tell me that. Can you imagine our faith being determined by our feelings that are ever changing??? We would never be stable in our faith if it coincided with our ever changing feelings. I say, lucky for us that we get to experience growing closer to Him in this way ;)
ReplyDeleteGod really does work in mysterious ways, doesn't He? I am grateful to have a God whose power is not dependent on humans.
DeleteThe God who made the world and everything in it, being Lord of Heaven and Earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything since He gives mankind life and breath and everything. Acts 17:24-25
It is a continuous struggle for me but I am trying to push through it all. I am in fact on my way to church right now for a service but I would love to hear more about how you have learned to deal with it or become more disciplined in your relationship with Him so I can use this to help myself.
ReplyDelete