Lately, my self-esteem has been tanking. The world seemed to forget that I exist in the smallest ways that a neurotypical would usually glance over. I find that I'm hypersensitive to social cues, yet people seem to act like I am oblivious to them.
Yesterday, in band, an oboist set her case on my chair. She moved it, but I still read this as an indicator of her forgetting about me. During the band competition, whoever set up the chairs forgot mine. In algebra, someone left a book on my chair. I moved it, still thinking about how the world seemed to forget me. I know that these isolated incidents are not a cause for worry, but these seem to have a pattern. It could just be my "writer personality" in that I take little things as foreshadowing for future life events or symbolism of something else that affects me. Should I go the Hosea route and change my name to "Not my people" or just go about my life as if I don't notice any of this?
I noticed that people want to shove me around like a pawn. They just say "Excuse me" and walk by like I'm invisible. I would like for them to stop and consider me. I admit to doing this and, if you have ever been hurt by something I have said or done, I apologize and ask you to forgive me. I feel like an inconvenience to my friends, family, and God. It sounds selfish of me to ask for prayer, but I think it is one of the most selfless things I have done (which is kind of sad :).)
I'm sorry you've been feeling sad lately I'll keep you in my prayers
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI felt that way lately too and will pray for you. Having anxiety, the worries are on a whole other level and a good portion of them are about social stuff. I tend to read WAY too much into things and assume things too quickly. I was just elected Student Council Secretary and while I am very excited, it brings a whole new set of worries especially since the other officers are all close and I am not.
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