Blogger Widgets Ender-Chan's Thoughts: Feeling Forgotten and Requesting Prayer

Friday, May 29, 2015

Feeling Forgotten and Requesting Prayer

Lately, my self-esteem has been tanking. The world seemed to forget that I exist in the smallest ways that a neurotypical would usually glance over. I find that I'm hypersensitive to social cues, yet people seem to act like I am oblivious to them.

Yesterday, in band, an oboist set her case on my chair. She moved it, but I still read this as an indicator of her forgetting about me. During the band competition, whoever set up the chairs forgot mine. In algebra, someone left a book on my chair. I moved it, still thinking about how the world seemed to forget me. I know that these isolated incidents are not a cause for worry, but these seem to have a pattern. It could just be my "writer personality" in that I take little things as foreshadowing for future life events or symbolism of something else that affects me. Should I go the Hosea route and change my name to "Not my people" or just go about my life as if I don't notice any of this?

I noticed that people want to shove me around like a pawn. They just say "Excuse me" and walk by like I'm invisible. I would like for them to stop and consider me.  I admit to doing this and, if you have ever been hurt by something I have said or done, I apologize and ask you to forgive me. I feel like an inconvenience to my friends, family, and God. It sounds selfish of me to ask for prayer, but I think it is one of the most selfless things I have done (which is kind of sad :).)


  1. I'm sorry you've been feeling sad lately I'll keep you in my prayers

  2. I felt that way lately too and will pray for you. Having anxiety, the worries are on a whole other level and a good portion of them are about social stuff. I tend to read WAY too much into things and assume things too quickly. I was just elected Student Council Secretary and while I am very excited, it brings a whole new set of worries especially since the other officers are all close and I am not.


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