Goodbye

I thought I'd get this one last statement out. Thank you for believing in me, even when I couldn't bring myself to do so. It's been a pleasure living, but not so much lately. I can't do anything right. For every one thing I do well, I utterly ruin ten things. Unfortunately, the things I do well at are not viable methods of success in life, nor are they strong or numerous enough that I can make them so.

I've decided that ending my life is the best thing I can do. I do not necessarily advocate this, but I weighed the options and this is the best, most viable choice for me. Don't mourn for me. Don't celebrate my "achievements". Don't continue my work and legacy and, thus, doom yourself to failure. Just forget about me and move on with your life as if I never existed. If you want to do something for me, meet me in Heaven.

This is not your fault. I would assume that you all have friends that would stick to you no matter what. I have no such people. People come in and go out of my life like the wind. They are all just monochrome puppets and media monkeys. The guise of good grades make them appear intelligent. They can read the balanced equations on the blackboard with ease, but they cannot see that their ignorance has killed me a thousand times over rounding to the nearest half.

Please do not blame autism or ADHD for this. There are many people with the same disorders who are useful, productive people unlike me. I'm tired of taking up space in people's lives and being an impedance to their progress. I can tell they're tired of me too. They leave me to listen as a bystander instead of inviting me to actively participate in their discussion. If they have enough of something for all but one, I'm the one left out. It's been clear that they want me out of their hair and I am honoring their request with the last bit of the decency I have left.

There's a lot I could have done. I could have made it through the rest of high school, went to college, and been a band teacher. However, I could have let my future students down time after time. I could have composed horrible pieces that no band would want to play. I could have ended up in a downhill spiral into hurting others and myself attempting to numb the pain that afflicts me. It's not worth the risk, I've decided. Do not mourn for me since I have no quality worthy of mourning. I've already given you guys enough grief.

So, with that, goodbye. For good. Forever.

Song: Tokyo Teddy Bear

Artist: Kagamine Rin (Dub by JubyPhonic)

Language: English Dubbed from Japanese