Blogger Widgets Ender-Chan's Thoughts: Possible Anhedonia

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Possible Anhedonia

Anhedonia: An inability or reduced ability to feel pleasure

I've haven't bothered updating my blog lately because I have lately felt that I do not as much feel pleasure or motivation from blogging...or anything else for that matter. I don't feel like focusing in school or any other area of my life. It is taking me a great deal of energy to crank out a few sentences for something I used to be able to enjoy.

I still feel small spikes of pleasure from things I enjoy, such as playing the flute. I listened to some music that I had arranged and, instead of feeling proud, I felt nothing. I just heard some sounds. Since I love all aspects of music, not being moved by it is a foreign sensation to me. The words that I so cherish have become...just words. I also ran through my solo and ensemble piece, the vibrato just sounding jagged and harsh instead of having its usual sublime resonance.

The fact that I can actually bring myself to do things and to them reasonably well mystifies me. I guess that pseudo-motivation is a temperamental thing, but I definitely feel more apathetic than usual. I continue about my life du jour en jour and even the most wonderful things, to me, just do not feel good to me.

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